


The Perfect Boyfriend

by IvvyMoon (blue_jack)



Category: Naruto
Genre: A little bit of food porn, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom!Naruto, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, SasuNaru - Freeform, top!Sasuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 19:45:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2744795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_jack/pseuds/IvvyMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke needs a date to take to his family reunion. Out of desperation, he pays a waiter to pretend to be his boyfriend. The catch? He’s hoping the blond will ensure his parents never ask him to bring a date to the house ever again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perfect Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> This was the 2nd complete fic I ever wrote, but one of my most popular. IDEK. I can't even read it now without wincing. *hides face*

Sasuke Uchiha and Neji Hyuuga waited impatiently for their waiter to take their orders. They were important men and weren’t used to waiting for anything, but the restaurant they’d chosen, The Rasengan, a new Asian-fusion restaurant, was extremely popular and was packed full this Friday for lunch. Not that this was an excuse of course.

Sasuke glanced around at the modern décor. The restaurant was decorated in earthy tones, browns, greens and even splashes of orange with the occasional streak of cream. Small red spirals were haphazardly placed all along the walls, drawing the eye. The requisite Asian restaurant fish tank was there, but this one was huge, placed directly in the middle of the floor and running almost the whole length of the room. Dozens of variety of fish swam inside, ranging from a tiny goldfish to a small nurse shark. 

It was all tastefully done, and if it weren’t for the service, he’d find the whole place acceptable. Che.

He drawled out, “Nice place you picked, Hyuuga. If the service is any indication of the food, I’m sure I’ll be frequenting this place often.”

Neji glared darkly at the slightly taller man, even as their waiter finally, finally, came to their table.

“I am so sorry for the wait, guys, but today has just been hectic! First, my car broke down on the way here, and I had to wait forever for a tow truck. Stupid tow people always taking so long. And then two of our waiters called in sick today. On a Friday of all days! It’s why we’re a little understaffed. And then…”

“Dobe,” Sasuke cut in, stopping the server mid-rant, “I don’t want your life story. I want to order and eat my food.”

The blonde gaped at him, impossibly blue eyes opening wider and wider. “Oi, oi, don’t call me dobe, Teme!” He shook his pen at the raven.

A few heads turned at the loud shout, but Neji glared at them, and they turned back around quickly. 

“Che, I’ll call you what I want. Don’t you know the first rule of business?” Sasuke smirked, sitting back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest. “The customer is always right…Dobe…”

Neji sighed. He didn’t want to get involved in an insult match in the middle of a restaurant. It was undignified.

“Naruto, is it?” he started, looking at their waiter’s nametag (seriously, with a name like “fishcake” this guy was fated to work in the food industry from birth). “Please excuse my lunch companion for his rudeness. We’re ready to order now.”

Sasuke shot him a look but didn’t say anything. While taunting blondie was fun, he was hungry. Besides, he had a meeting at two o’clock and didn’t want to stretch things out more than necessary.

Naruto straightened and pouted. “Hmph. The special of the day is a lovely grilled salmon with a teriyaki glaze.” He relaxed somewhat and said, “But really, the ramen here is my favorite. You have to try it! Soooo good and—” 

“Who goes to a restaurant and orders ramen?” Sasuke scoffed. “Ramen’s disgusting.”

A moment of shocked silence. Then, “Them’s fighting words, Teme!” the blond said, scowling. He loomed over the smirking man, starting to push his sleeves up, but Neji quickly intervened.

“I’m sure the ramen is delicious,” he said hurriedly, “But we’ve decided on something else.”

Naruto grumbled a little more under his breath, which both patrons majestically ignored, although Sasuke’s eye twitched a little when he heard, “…stupid teme…duck butt hair…”

After the server had left with their orders, Neji asked, “So have you decided what you’re going to do about this weekend?”

The other man sighed. “It’s bad enough all my relatives will be in town for the family reunion, but now that my mother wants me to bring a date to the gathering, I am seriously considering contracting an incurable illness.”

The longhaired man snorted. “Like that would be a sufficient excuse to not show up.”

“True,” the taller man said tiredly, rubbing his forehead in an uncharacteristic sign of exasperation.

“Do your parents still think you’re dating that one guy? What was his name? The one who was always late to everything and carried around the porn novels?”

“Kakashi. No, I had to tell them we broke up when my mother first mentioned me bringing someone. He’s off with his boyfriend on a cruise or something, so I couldn’t drag him with me.” He sighed mournfully. “He was perfect, too. After spending a whole day with him, my parents would never have asked me to bring a date again.”

Neji chuckled. “Why do you insist on making up stories about your love life? Why not get a real boyfriend and save yourself all the hassle?”

Sasuke glared at him, impatiently fiddling with the salad fork in front of him. “I don’t have time for a relationship. I’ve told you that before. I thought my parents would leave me alone after I admitted I was gay, but that only gave me a brief reprieve from them harassing me. They’ve somehow have managed to come to terms with me “deviance,” as they put it, and now they expect me to bring home someone worthy of the Uchiha name!”

The other man smiled at his quandary. “Someone worthy? Are they looking for you to get married?”

Mumbling, Sasuke slouched in his chair.

“What?” Neji asked, unable to understand.

“I said,” the taller man enunciated clearly, looking to the side, “my parents are, quote, ‘tired of my playboy ways and want me to settle down with a nice boy,’ end quote.”

The longhaired man began laughing outright. “See what happens as a result of all your subterfuge? Now they think you’re a sl—”

Luckily, whatever the older man was going to say was interrupted by the arrival of their drinks. “Here you go!” Naruto said enthusiastically, sliding two beers in front of them.

Sasuke’s eye twitched. He did not enjoy being referred to as a slut, especially considering his near celibate ways, and to top it off, the annoying server had gotten their drinks wrong. “Dobe, we did not order alcohol.”

“Of course not,” the blond said, rolling his eyes, “As if an ice princess such as yourself would order a refreshing and delicious alcoholic beverage on a Friday afternoon in order to start the weekend right!” He ignored the indignation on the other man’s face. “Your tea’s coming up. These,” he said, flourishing his hand in the direction of the bar, “are from the two beautiful ladies sitting at the counter over there!”

Neither dark haired man deigned to even glance over. “Take them back,” the Uchiha ordered, annoyed. 

“What?” their server asked, dumbfounded. “You guys didn’t even look at the two hotties, let alone thank them for the drinks!” He started getting offended for the mysterious women. “Don’t be such assh—“

“Naruto!” Said blond flinched before turning his head cautiously in the direction of the pink haired woman coming towards their table. “Heh, heh, Sakura, what’s up?”

The young woman who was acting as hostess _growled_ at the young man. She smacked him on the head. “Ow!” he complained, hunching his head and shoulders and rubbing the point of impact.

“Gentleman,” she said apologetically, “I am soooo sorry for his behavior.” She looked at the two men at the table and nearly swooned. _Damn, they’re sexy!_ She wondered if she were drooling and surreptitiously dabbed at her mouth to check.

Thankfully, her sudden silence at being struck dumb by the two gorgeous patrons was covered up by the loud blond. “What’d you do that for?” he yelled.

Once again, heads turned. Lavender eyes glared. Heads turned quickly back around.

Sakura hissed at the blond, her sudden infatuation with the two men temporarily forgotten, “You can’t curse at the customers, Naruto!”

“Why not?” he whined. “They’re complete assholes!” Two mouths firmed in displeasure. “You should’ve seen what they did! I brought over—”

“It doesn’t matter!” she interrupted. “Even if they were the rudest jerks you’ve ever met,” two sets of eyebrows twitched, “You would still have to treat them courteously!” She chuckled nervously, remembering where she was. “Not that either of you are, of course! J-Jerks or assholes, I mean!” She eeped at the looks both men were giving her. 

“I can do what I want!” Naruto complained mulishly. “It’s my—”

She smacked him again. Sasuke hated being involved in public scenes, but he admitted to himself that there was something satisfying about watching the blond get hit.

“I apologize once again,” Sakura said, pushing the server away from the table with her. “You’re meals are on the house. Please order anything you’d like.”

Sasuke wasn’t appeased. It wasn’t like he cared about the money. "What an annoying and idiotic—” 

"Take him," Neji said completely out the blue.

"What?" the taller man looked at him like he'd sprouted another head.

"Take that Naruto guy as your date. He’d be the perfect boyfriend."

"Are you crazy?"

"Look, if he can annoy you in the total of five minutes you've spent with him, think about what he'll do to the rest of your family when they spend the whole day with him."

An unholy smirk appeared on Sasuke's face. Now _that_ was an idea.

\-------------------

After the blond had finally come back with their orders, which, Sasuke noted, were wrong, he looked the server over.

Nothing spectacular, he decided, but not bad. Their waiter was wearing a black shirt that was much too big and loose on him, as well as horribly saggy black pants. His hair was incredibly messy, and he had on, the raven counted, two hoops and five studs in his ears. 

With the right clothes, a good brushing and if he took out that ridiculous jewelry, he thought, the guy wouldn't be half bad. He looked to be a few inches short of the Uchiha, maybe around 5'10, just average height. The only features that really stood out were the six scars on his face, three on each cheek, and his incredible, deep blue eyes. His eyes were striking enough to almost make up for the rest of the package. The real question was: Would his family believe he was dating the moron?

A waiter, maybe slightly better than average looking, hmm...what would be the attraction? Personality? He almost laughed out loud at the ridiculous thought. 

"Naruto," another waiter came over and whispered, "Your aunt Tsunade's on the phone."

Ah ha! Connections. Tsunade was a very distinctive name, and the only Tsunade he had ever heard of was mayor of the city. That would do it for the Uchiha clan. Assuming it was true, anyway.

"Tsunade...the mayor...is your aunt?" Neji asked in disbelief, thankfully confirming the information for him.

"Yeah," the blond said, smiling at the name of his relative. "You know her?"

"We've met a couple of times," the other man answered truthfully. 

Naruto nodded happily, leaving the table to get the phone.

"Alright," Sasuke said, nodding decisively. "I'll take him. The only problem is how do I get him to agree? We've hardly hit it off so far."

"Pay him," the longhaired man said negligently. "Even though his aunt's the mayor, he could obviously be doing better. Offer him enough money, and I’m sure he’ll agree to go."

Sasuke nodded thoughtfully and then looked down at his food. For the sake of the mission, he decided, he wouldn't complain about the wrong order. They both started eating, and although their entrees were nothing close to what they'd ordered, the food was delicious.

Hmm, maybe he would come back after all. He remembered the service and shook his head. _No...but maybe carry-out would be okay_ , he thought generously. 

By the time their waiter got back to their table to ask them if they wanted dessert, Sasuke was actually in a semi-decent mood. 

"Hey...Naruto," he said, purposefully calling the server by his name. "I have something I want to ask you. A business proposition, if you will."

The blond looked at him, askance. "This isn't some weird kinky thing, is it? 'Cause I've heard about customers offering bigger "tips"" – the idiot actually made quote signs in the air – "in exchange for—”

"No," the other man hissed, his good mood gone. "Nothing like _that_." He glared at Neji whose shoulders were shaking in mirth. "I want to pay you to go on a date with me." He realized his mistake too late.

"Teme!" Naruto shouted in outrage. Heads once again turned, and even the Hyuuga's glare couldn't get them to turn back when the blond said, "I just told you I didn't want to have sex with you—” everyone at the table ignored the person who shouted, "I do!" "—for money! This is a family establishment! Go take your perverted—”

Sasuke yanked the idiot down by his shirt and growled into the shocked server's face, "Not that kind of date, Usurantonkachi! It's a family reunion, and I need to bring a date so my parents will get off my back!"

Naruto stared in shock at the glaring eyes before laughing nervously and rubbing the back of his head with his hand. "Oh...well, why didn't you say that in the first place?" He pulled himself away from the furious raven in the chair and blushed as he realized all the patrons in the restaurant were staring at them. 

"What?" he said defensively. "It was an honest mistake!" When only a few people started turning around, he started glaring. "Nothing more to see here, people." He waved his hands at them as if shooing them away. "Turn around now. Eat your food. Go...go!" When three sets of murderous eyes focused on the bystanders, everyone hurriedly turned back to their meals. The volume in the restaurant went back to normal after a few seconds.

The blond looked back at the raven. “Alright,” he said, “I get that you’re gay and want to bring a hot, sexy stud muffin such as myself home to impress the parents.” He puffed out his chest proudly, and it was all Sasuke could do to not call the whole thing off then and there. “But what makes you think I’m gay?”

Sasuke waved his hand in the air negligently. He was a genius in all things, and his sense of gaydar was always 100% accurate. It was like a special power.

“Are you saying you’re not?”

“No…but I just wanted to know what gave it away?” 

The older man sighed. He really didn’t have the time to address the other man’s out-of-the-closet issues. “Are you willing to do this or not?”

"Okay, okay, sure, why not? I guess it’s always good for a couple of laughs. When, where, how long, and most importantly, how much?" At the last words, his grin became so big, his eyes closed.

Sasuke sighed. This might have been a mistake.

\--------------

It was nearly two weeks later before he saw the dobe again. The day of the reunion had arrived.

Sasuke would’ve been pacing nervously in the foyer waiting for his “date,” but Uchihas didn’t do that sort of thing. Instead, he would oh-so-casually walk by the entrance on his way to another room. Frequently. And with just the slightest hint of interest. Really.

Naruto was running late. What kind of moron arrived late to meet his boyfriend’s family? Not that they were “boyfriends,” but it was the principle of the matter! He had already announced his intention to bring his “significant other” to the party, and the range of reactions from his family easily foretold the disaster the day would bring. 

He groaned at the number of quotation marks he’d made in his inner monologue. The blond’s idiocy was obviously contagious.

At least, by the time the day was over, he consoled himself, he wouldn’t have to go through anymore charades pretending he was dating anyone. Not that he’d told the waiter that the only reason he’d asked him out was to make a _bad_ impression on his family. He was sure the dobe would manage to accomplish that all on his own.

Finally, out of the window, he saw a burnt orange monstrosity pulling into the circular driveway. His eyebrow twitched. It had to be the waiter.

He watched in semi-horrified fascination as a POS Ford Taurus, probably 12 years old, puttered its way to the entrance. He didn’t know what his father was going to do when he found out a Ford had desecrated the drive. His father sneered whenever he saw a Lexus, thinking it was the wishing-he-were-rich man’s car.

 _Maybe he wouldn’t see it_ , he thought hopefully. After all, the valet was sure to hide it from view. He wanted to stop bringing dates to family gatherings, not give his father a heart attack.

Finally, he heard a knock at the door, and instead of waiting for the butler to get it, he yanked open the door himself, ready to yell at the dobe for being late.

What he saw, however, stopped the words in his throat.

Had he really thought the waiter was only “not half-bad”? he wondered dazedly. 

Naruto stood in the doorway, fist raised to knock again. He smiled sheepishly, lowering his hand. 

The shorter man had tamed his hair. It was still shaggy and spiky, but it didn’t look like he’d fallen out of bed and forgotten to comb it (which he had the other day). It was actually styled and framed his face to the best advantage, showing off strong cheekbones and a chiseled chin. He was still wearing the same number of stones in his ears, but the hoops were gone, and rubies replaced all the earrings. The line of red jewels was actually rather sexy. 

The clothes, however, were the most noticeable. From the way he’d been dressed at the restaurant, the older man had assumed the blond was slightly chunky. That was definitely not the case.

He was wearing a black t-shirt that brought out his tan and hair. It had some rock band’s logo emblazoned on the front, but Sasuke wasn’t really paying attention. He was more interested in the way the shirt hugged the blond’s shoulders and chest, displaying the obvious muscle for the raven’s ogling pleasure. He had no doubt that from the way the cloth fell down the other man’s stomach that there wasn’t an inch of fat there.

He also rather enjoyed the fitted blue-jeans the other man was wearing. They were worn and comfortable looking, and they managed to cling to everything that needed clinging. He idly wondered what the view would be like from the back, and he almost asked the blond to turn around. He didn’t – he was an Uchiha after all – but he made a mental note to walk behind the blond sometime during the course of the day. For research purposes.

Leather flip-flops completed the outfit, and Sasuke had to admit, privately, that the shorter man looked good – really good.

He hadn’t been the only one perusing the other, however. “Teme,” Naruto hissed, eyes darting around, “You said this was going to be a casual get together.”

“It is,” the raven said blankly.

“Casual is what I’m wearing,” the blond said, gesturing to his own clothes. “Formal is what _you_ are wearing!” Sasuke looked down to his white, button-down, long-sleeved, collared shirt and pressed black slacks. This _was_ casual for them. He wasn’t even wearing a tie. He shrugged.

He’d known when he told the waiter about what clothes would be appropriate that he wouldn’t understand Uchiha casual vs. everyone else’s casual, but it hadn’t mattered. He’d wanted the dobe to dress unsuitably.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, gripping the other man’s arm – nice – and pulling him inside. 

“You didn’t tell me you were so rich!” Naruto whispered furiously. 

“Why?” Sasuke drawled, as he dragged the blond behind him. “Would you have asked for more money if I had?”

The shorter man flushed and stammered, “T-Teme! I don’t want your stinking money!”

The raven rolled his eyes. “So that’s why you negotiated up from the five hundred I offered you originally to seven?”

“No,” Naruto muttered sullenly. “That was just because you were being an ass.” Even though his back was to the other man, he could almost _feel_ the blond sticking his tongue out at him. He turned his head unobtrusively. Sure enough, there was the pink appendage now.

“Stop that,” he snapped, annoyed by the childish antics, and he felt the waiter flinch in surprise. He hid a smirk.

“Okay,” he said, stopping in front of the patio door. The rest of the family was outside for a “picnic” – damn it, he really needed to stop with the quotation marks – and he wanted to give the other man a few last bits of advice before they went outside. It wouldn’t do for Naruto to come off too suspiciously after all.

“Remember, we’ve been dating for one month. We met at the mayor’s benefit gala. We’ve gone on a total of six dates – this will be our seventh. My favorite food is a tomato. I like the color navy blue. My birthday is in July 23rd. I’m the VP of Mergers and Acquisitions at Uchiha Industries. Got all that?”

Naruto nodded flippantly, “Yeah, yeah, gala, tomatoes, blue, July, VP, got it. Do I have to give you my stats, too?”

“Go ahead,” Sasuke sighed. “No one will ask, but I suppose on the off chance…”

“What!” the blond yelped. “Why do I have to know all your stupid shit, but you don’t need to know mine?”

“Because my family will want to make sure you’re not after me for my money,” the raven said impatiently.

“I already told you,” the shorter man started, “I don’t need—”

“But they don’t know that,” the raven said to forestall an argument. He was already starting to get a headache from being in the other man’s presence. His parents would kill him if they found out this was all a setup.

“Fine,” Naruto huffed. “Ramen, orange, October 10th, Rasengan. Geez.”

Sasuke ignored the whining and linked his fingers with the other man’s.

“Hey, buddy!”

It was all he could do not to smack him. “Stop complaining. You’re getting paid for all the inconvenience.”

“I know, I know,” the blond said, lifting his free hand up to ward off any further biting comments. “But they better not expect us to kiss or anything. I’m not getting paid for any hanky-panky.” After a moment, he added, “And I don’t want to be either!”

Who called it hanky-panky anymore? It was like something his grandmother would say.

“I remember,” he gritted out, recalling the horribly embarrassing episode in the restaurant. His fingers tightened, and he ignored the shorter man’s squawk of indignation. “Let’s go.”

\----------------------

So far, it was going amazingly well, Sasuke thought. Too well. The dobe wasn’t being loud and obnoxious at all. He nearly frowned. Still, that may have just been because he was doing the whirlwind introduction tour. And the blond did seem a bit intimidated. There were 24 Uchihas in total at the reunion, not counting the kids, and that was probably a lot for any one person to handle.

He had yet to see either his parents or brother, but he knew it couldn’t be long before – ah hah! There was his mother now. 

By the time he’d dragged the shorter man over to his mother, his father and brother had joined her as well. Perfect, now he wouldn’t have to do this more than once.

“Mother, Father…Itachi,” he said coolly, “Please let me introduce my boyfriend, Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto, this is my mother, Mikoto, my father, Fugaku, and…Itachi.” Like he was really going to admit a blood relationship to Itachi if he could help it.

“Pl-pleased to meet you,” the blond said nervously. The mother was looking at him kindly enough, but the father and brother…he felt like a specimen under the microscope. And not the good kind of specimen that would lead to saving lives, but the bad kind where a person was wondering what exactly was stuck to his shoes… Naruto made his thoughts stop wandering with a force of will. Now was not a good time to be distracted. He was getting paid to be the teme’s boyfriend, and he was going to do a good job, believe it!

“I’m so glad you could join us,” Mikoto said pleasantly. The blond grinned at her. She seemed too nice to be related to any of the men surrounding her.

“So…Naruto…” Itachi said, an evil smirk on his face, “Tell me, just how did you meet my little brother?”

Naruto waited for Sasuke to speak up since he’d been doing all the talking when the other relatives had asked questions, but after a short pause, he realized he was on his own. Asshole.

“We met at my aunt’s charity gala a while back,” he said at last, his eyes darting from side to side, looking for an escape route just in case Itachi was as homicidal as his expression seemed to indicate.

“Really? And your aunt is…”

“Tsunade Sannin.”

And there it was. Sasuke could almost hear the others thinking, Ahhh… Both men relaxed slightly in the presence of a semi-equal.

“And what do you do, Naruto?” Fugaku asked.

“Oh, well I—”

“He’s a waiter,” Sasuke said with relish, enjoying the horrified looks that adorned his family’s faces.

“Yeah, but I—”

“He waits tables at the Rasengan.”

“I love that restaurant,” Mikoto said graciously. 

Naruto shot Sasuke an odd look, but said, “I’m so glad, Mikoto! Have you been often?”

His father gave his brother a significant glance, and Itachi pulled him to the side as the blond chatted with his mother. “You can’t be serious, Sasuke!” Itachi said lowly. “A waiter?”

The younger man carefully hid his smirk. Oh yes, this was working out well. “I didn’t know what he did initially. By the time I found out, I decided I could overlook it,” he said, his voice bored.

The older Uchiha looked down at him, one eyebrow raised. “I hardly think dating a common, uneducated, blue-collar, money-grubbing waiter is any way to uphold the family name. I’m surprised at you, little brother.”

For some reason, the string of insults bothered Sasuke. It was one thing for him to insult the dobe, another thing for anyone else to do it. 

“Don’t talk about Naruto that way,” he ordered, his eyes narrowing. He expected Itachi to ignore him, but the older man actually smirked and seemed to relax.

“Well, well, well, you do like him after all.” He actually chuckled – chuckled! – at the younger man’s suspicious expression. 

“Foolish little brother,” Itachi said mockingly. “I just wanted to make sure you were actually dating the blond. Your reaction just now is very interesting. I may have to get to know this Naruto better.”

Sasuke didn’t know what he would’ve said to that if said man hadn’t come over and tugged on his hand.

“Sasuke…” Naruto whined, “I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat.”

The raven looked down at the blond and intertwined their fingers again protectively. This wasn't how he'd originally planned things. He'd wanted his parents to have more exposure to the other man, so they'd be sure to never invite him over again, but he hadn't counted on his older brother taking an interest. He’d brought the unsuspecting idiot into the lion’s den, but there was no way he was going to let Itachi anywhere near him. 

“Alright. Mother, Father…Itachi.” He nodded and walked quickly away, Naruto in tow. The shorter man had just enough time to wave at the family members before he was dragged unceremoniously towards the picnic tables.

“Teme!” he whispered, “Stop yanking me all over the place! I can walk, you know!” 

Sasuke ignored the complaint. “Whatever you do, don’t be alone with Itachi. Ever.”

“Wh-why?” the younger man asked tremulously, his steps slowing. “He isn’t an axe murderer, is he?” 

The raven actually stopped in his tracks and turned to stare at the blond incredulously. “ _What_?”

Naruto flushed beet red. He tried to cover up his embarrassment, arms gesticulating wildly. “Look, it’s not my fault your brother has psycho written all over him! It didn’t help that you told me to never be alone with him in such a serious voice either! Why else would you say something like that? I just wanted to be sure he wasn’t going to go all postal on me.”

The taller man rolled his eyes in exasperation. He continued walking, letting the idiot run to catch up. “Usurantonkachi, I just meant that he’s suspicious. If you actually spent any time alone with him, he’d not only know you were lying in the first five minutes of talking to you, he’d find out your social security number, your most embarrassing moment ever and your secret fantasy of bathing in ramen.”

“How did you know—?”

Sasuke stopped in his tracks – again – and stared back at the blond. “I just made that up.”

“Yeah, yeah, me-me, too! Heh, heh.” Luckily, both their attentions were drawn away when Naruto’s stomach chose that exact moment to rumble loudly. The younger man couldn't blush any brighter, but he did smile sheepishly while rubbing his belly. "I told you I was hungry," he mumbled. 

The raven resisted the urge to think he was cute. "Hn."

\---------------

Naruto somehow found himself playing hide and seek with the kids an hour later. He didn't understand how he'd gotten into the situation, but he was having a good time anyway. He loved children. The teme apparently thought his brother wouldn't come looking for him when he was surrounded by so many kids under the age of five.

He snorted. No wonder the teme had agreed to pay him 700 dollars. His relatives were nuts! He should’ve asked for more.

He'd actually been concerned when the brunet first came up with the idea, wondering if the kids would be "normal." Considering how stiff and cold all the adults seemed, he'd been worried the children would be miniature versions of their parents, but apparently, the older generation of Uchihas hadn't managed to suck the life and fun out of them. Yet. 

He winced slightly at the mean, although accurate, description of the clan. Maybe they loosened up after a few drinks? Now there was an idea, he thought mischievously, wondering if there was a communal punch bowl he could spike. 

The biggest surprise was that he’d actually gotten the teme to agree to play with them. He didn’t know how he’d accomplished that – although one should never underestimate the power of beautiful baby blue eyes batted beseechingly (try to say that three times fast) – but it had worked all the same. 

Of course, all the other man was doing was hiding in the same spot every time, conveniently on chair behind a giant oak tree, but he would help some of the hiders find good locations first, and he seemed endlessly patient with the constant questions they threw at him. 

"..19...20...ready or not, here I come!" he shouted, uncovering his eyes and starting to race about.

“’Ruto, ‘Ruto!” one adorable three-year-old with large, liquid brown eyes called. “Here I am. Come find me! Look, look, there’s ‘Tomi!”

The blond grinned at the groans he heard. The little kid just didn’t get that hide and seek meant he actually had to find the tyke instead of the boy yelling out where he was. A lot of the other children started popping out from their hiding places.

“Akira!” the little girl who’d been ousted scolded, “You’re not supposed to tell where I am!”

Poor Akira started tearing up, so Naruto said quickly, “Let’s play another game instead!”

“I don’t wanna play anymore. The little kids just mess it up.”

“Now, that’s not—” 

“Yeah, let’s go swimming instead!”

“Oh, I don’t think—”

“Swimming, swimming!”

“But I didn’t—”

“We wanna swim! Come on, ‘Ruto! Let’s so swimming!”

He shot a desperate glance at Sasuke, who’d just walked up, but the teme was smirking at his plight. “Yeah, ‘Ruto, you heard them. They want to go swimming.”

“But I didn’t bring any trunks,” he complained, trying to ignore the pleading glances from below him.

“We have some extras for guests. You can have one of those.”

He finally managed to pry his hands away from clutching fingers, and he made his way over to the raven. “But no one else is swimming!” he hissed. “I already stand out enough as it is because of my clothes.”

“Don’t tell me you’re too embarrassed to swim? Too ashamed of your scrawny body to show it in public?”

“Te – um, Sasuke! I’ve got an awesome body! You have never seen anything as sexy as me!”

The older man rolled his eyes. “Then what’s the problem, Dobe?”

Naruto huffed. “Give me some dam – darn shorts!”

\------------

Sasuke sat on a lawn chair by the edge of the pool. Unfortunately, his own swim trunks were in the laundry – all three pairs of them amazingly enough – and none of the guest suits fit him. Oh well, it looked like the dobe was the only adult going into the water. 

Naruto had not been happy to find out that piece of information, but he hadn’t made a scene. Too much of one anyway. The blond had finally grabbed a pair of red trunks – orange trunks could not be found – and stomped inside the house to change. Really, he was too cute when he pouted.

Before he could even register that he’d complimented the dobe, he heard the back door open behind him, and he turned his head. It was all he could do to keep his mouth from dropping open. He hated to admit it, but the idiot was right. He had never seen anything so sexy in his entire life.

Smooth, tan skin glistening with sunscreen, rippling muscles gliding effortlessly, silky blond hair flowing in the wind – it was like a damn Baywatch moment. The only way it could’ve been better was if he were running. 

The red board shorts looked incredible on him. They were slightly too large and rode low on his hips, showing off the other man’s washboard abs to perfection. 

Why had the dobe been hiding all that under baggy clothes at the restaurant?

One of the kids in the house shouted something, and Naruto turned completely around for a second to answer. For the love of everything holy…the blond had a tattoo, an abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous tattoo that covered nearly his entire back of a red, snarling, nine-tailed demon fox. 

The tattoo depicted the fox’s full body, with the head towards the blond’s lower left back, and the tails fanning dangerously across his shoulders. The demon was crouched low, as if he were getting ready to pounce, his long ears tilted forward. He watched, mesmerized, as the fox seemed to stir as Naruto raised one arm to emphasize whatever it was he was saying. Those red eyes appeared to watch him, a predator intent on its prey. What would it be like to watch that fox come to life during sex, watch it move while he pounded into—

Whoa! Where had that thought come from? There would be no pounding going on. This was a business transaction. A means to an end. Nothing else. No way, no how, no chance.

He barely managed to get his impassive mask back on by the time Naruto came up beside him.

“I can’t believe I’m the only one going into the pool.”

“Che, stop whining, and suck it up.”

He had just enough time to catch the evil glint in the other man’s eyes before he found himself with a lap full of virtually naked sex god.

“Oh, Sa-su-ke,” the blond said huskily, wrapping his arms around the frozen man’s neck, “Are you sure you don’t want to have some…fun…with me in the water?”

The whispered words conjured up images of wet skin, cool water and hot, slippery bodies pressed close together. To mask the sudden shiver that coursed through him, he abruptly slipped his hands under firm – oh-so-firm – thighs and stood up. Naruto eeped at the sudden move, but that was nothing compared to the loud yell when Sasuke let him go over the water.

By the time the blond had resurfaced, the Uchiha was back in his chair, valiantly trying to forget the feel of that delicious body pressed against his own. “I’m sure,” he said dryly, grabbing a magazine off the table next to him and holding it up to his heated face. Uchihas did not blush; he was an Uchiha; therefore, he was not blushing. QED. 

He ignored the outraged “Teme!” and shifted lower in the seat to hide his slight problem. Just a few more hours to go, and then the waiter would be gone, along with his sudden weird preoccupation with the blond.

\------------------

Finally, dinner. This was the last item on the day’s itinerary, and then the family reunion would officially be over for all intents and purposes. Most of the relatives would actually be staying for the whole week, but today had been the first day of events and the only day he’d been expected to bring his boyfriend over. He had to work the rest of the week after all, and he’d already told his mother that his boyfriend had other obligations the next weekend. 

Sasuke found himself sitting two seats down from Naruto. His mother had purposefully arranged guests to encourage the most interaction, so the couples were split. Itachi, thankfully, was at the far end of the table, but the dobe was sitting across the table from his father. His grandparents were sitting at the ends of the table in the positions of authority. 

He almost felt sorry for the blond, but the dinner conversation was sure to cement the inappropriateness of his boyfriend. He himself was engaged in a one-sided conversation with a distant cousin. He nodded and hn’d in appropriate places, but his attention was fixed two seats down, trying to catch snippets of the conversation. 

“…political candidates…Democratic convention…superdelegates…” The raven’s eyebrows rose when he realized the two were discussing the current race for the Democrat’s presidential candidate. Who would’ve thought the dobe was up to date on current events? Maybe with an aunt in the mayor’s office, Naruto had a vested interest in politics? It didn’t matter. If there was one thing that got his father riled up, it was politics. And, to make matters even better, he was a staunch Republican.

He relaxed, a smug smile etched on his face. Oh yes, the dobe had been the perfect person to bring to the reunion. Soon, the whole charade would be all over, and Naruto wouldn’t have to pretend to be his boyfriend anymore.

He ignored the small pang of regret he felt at the thought. This was what he wanted. It didn’t matter that he was attracted to the blond or that he’d had a surprisingly good time that day. Sure, the younger man was funny and easy to be with, but he was still loud and annoying at times, and Sasuke didn’t have time for a relationship. It wasn’t worth his time. Right?

He forced his thoughts away from that train of thought and tired to enjoy the meal, politely conversing with the relatives sitting near him. Halfway through dinner, he heard something that made him nearly choke on filet mignon. He turned his head to the side sharply. His father was laughing! And Naruto was laughing, too! _What_? His father didn’t laugh; he smirked or scoffed. What could they _possibly_ be talking about? 

He didn’t get a chance to find out until after everyone had finished dessert. By that time, his father had actually shaken the waiter’s hand in front of everyone. The idiot was supposed to make his parents never want to invite a friend of Sasuke’s to the house again, not ingratiate himself! What was the world coming to?

It didn’t help that his aunt told him what a “lovely young man that Naruto was” and that he “shouldn’t let this one get away.”

He already had a fine level of irritation simmering by the time his father had walked away. He grabbed the blond’s arm and dragged him into a side room. 

“Okay, you have some serious cave man issues,” Naruto grumbled. “Me no likey the draggy,” he said clearly and slowly. 

The raven ignored the jibe and growled, “What were you doing?”

The soon-to-be-dead younger man shrugged. “What? You mean with your dad? Nothing, just talking. It turns out you’re dad and I both practice jujitsu, and I was telling him about this one competition I was in once where this guy somehow slipped on a puddle of water on the mat in the middle of a kick and ended up doing the splits. Now that’s not such a big deal, right? Ha! He—” 

Of course Sasuke knew his father did jujitsu. So did he. But his father had never laughed about it before! Jujitsu was always something to take seriously, something to excel at. 

“—and then his belt came loose, don’t ask me how, so when he stood up—”

His father hadn’t shown him such an obvious sign of approbation in years! Even when he’s assumed the position of VP of Mergers and Acquisitions, his father had simply dismissed him after giving him the news.

“—he was wearing a cup, but he hadn’t put on any underwear, and he had this tattoo on his left butt cheek—”

And this asinine story had been all that it took to get his father’s approval?

“—but the best part was that even though everyone else was all, what the hell, the guy still totally kicked his opponent’s ass with his pants hanging off one leg. It was freaking hilarious, let me tell you.” Naruto sighed happily.

“Get out,” he hissed.

“What?” The waiter looked at him in confusion.

“I said: Get. Out.” He couldn’t believe how angry he was all of the sudden. He couldn’t bear to even look at the other man just then.

“Oh…okay. I’ll give you some time alone. I’ll just wait in the—”

“Are you deaf?” Sasuke snarled. “Get the fuck out! Dinner’s finished. Get in your shitty car, and go!”

“What about—” 

“I will send you your fucking money! Now get the hell out of here!”

“What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?” the blond yelled back, his hands clenched at his side, and his blue eyes blazing. “I already told you I don’t need your stupid money! Keep it for all I care! I just came because I thought you were cute!”

They both stared at each other, wide-eyed by the sudden admission. The angry tension in the room dissipated, replaced by a bewildered silence.

“I don’t get you,” the shorter man complained, his shoulders drooping. “I did what you wanted. I was the perfect boyfriend. I hung out with the kids; I got along with your parents. Everyone liked me.”

The raven could hardly explain _that_ was exactly the problem, so he remained silent. 

“Fuck it,” Naruto muttered at last. “Whatever.” He turned and yanked open the door, slamming it behind him.

Sasuke stared at the door. Well, that had been surprising. He tensed when the door opened again. Had the blond come back?

“I couldn’t help but overhear you two arguing,” Itachi drawled, leaving the door slightly ajar and leaning against the door jamb insolently.

“What do you want?” the younger man asked, sighing heavily, his head finally clearing of the irrational anger from before. Shit, he should go out and explain. It wasn’t Naruto’s fault after all. 

“Why nothing, little brother,” the other man mocked. “Mother was wondering where you had wandered off to, so I was sent to check up on you. I’m sure she’ll be delighted to know you and your boyfriend were making a huge scene in the library.”

“I’m not in the mood for your games right now, Itachi,” Sasuke growled, getting angry all over again. He could hear the definite threat in the taller man’s words. Itachi had obviously heard enough to know he wasn’t really seeing the waiter.

“When has that ever stopped me?” The older Uchiha cocked his head, tapping one slender finger against his lips thoughtfully. “You know, Sasuke, if you’re going to bring a fake boyfriend to scare off the family, you shouldn’t pick one the parents will like so much.”

Itachi ignored the evil glare the younger man shot him.

“That _is_ what you were planning after all, correct? To bring the cute little waiter home and have him make a spectacle of himself?

Sasuke hated that his brother had figured out his intentions so easily. He hated that his plan had backfired. And he hated the pain he felt in his chest that he’d hurt the blond. So he lashed out, just wanting to get rid of the older man.

“Yes! Are you happy? I was sure everyone would hate Naruto! He’s loud, annoying and obnoxious, and I thought there was no way that Mother and Father would approve of him. Hell, I didn’t even like him, and he was my date!” 

_When did that change?_ he wondered. Because he did like the blond. He’d had a surprisingly good time during the torture that was called a family reunion. And he knew it was all because of the waiter. He really needed to get away from Itachi and find—

“Naruto?” he gasped, shocked as the door swung open slowly to reveal the pale features of their topic of conversation.

The blond looked at him for one long moment, and there was no mistaking the hurt and shame in those eyes. Then he was gone.

He glared at Itachi. “You knew he was there!”

The older man smirked. “Of course.”

For a second, Sasuke saw red, and he took a swing at the hatefully gloating face. 

“Tch, foolish little brother,” Itachi said, holding onto his fist, “Don’t blame me for your mistakes.”

Dman, it was true. He’d done this himself. Sasuke wrenched his hand free and raced out the room, shooting one last furious look at the other man. But by the time he’d gotten to the front door, the orange Ford had long since driven away. When he demanded his car, the valet apologized and said it would be a few minutes since his car was way back in the lot. 

Fuck!

\----------------------

The next day, Sasuke walked into the Rasengan right after it opened. Hopefully, he could find the blond before the lunch time rush and explain.

He walked up to the hostess. It wasn’t the pink-haired woman this time but a young chestnut-haired teenager, probably eighteen or nineteen. Her name tag read “Bella.” He ignored the way she blushed when she noticed him. 

Although nothing could change his good looks or superior air, he was dressed much more casually today than normal. He was wearing a pair of khaki cargo pants and an untucked navy-blue polo shirt. He’d run out and bought them this morning in an attempt to dress down. He hadn’t wanted the dobe to see him in the suit he normally wore to work and feel underdressed. Again.

“Excuse me, Bella” he said politely, his eyebrow twitching when she sighed at him dreamily. “I’m looking for a member of your wait staff. His name is Naruto. Is he in today?”

“Naruto?” she asked, crinkling her brow in thought. “I’m sorry, I just started here a few weeks ago, but as far as I know, we don’t have a waiter by that name.”

“What?” he asked, annoyed. “I was here two weeks ago, and he served me lunch.” At her puzzled expression, he sighed. “Spiky blond hair, blue eyes, three parallel scars on each cheek? Surely, that must ring a bell.”

“Oh,” she said, her eyes lighting up in comprehension. “You mean Mr. Uzumaki! It just confused me when you said “waiter.” I’ll go get him for you.”

Sasuke drummed his fingers on the podium where she’d been standing. What had the hostess meant by being confused about the blond being a waiter? 

Five minutes later, Bella still hadn’t returned. What was taking so long? He started looking around, and his eyes glanced by the photos on the wall next to the door. It looked like a collection of pictures featuring famous people who’d frequented the restaurant. Those things were so juvenile. He noticed a familiar splash of blond and leaned closer. Was that—?

He walked over and stared at the photos. Naruto! That was Naruto in each and every picture! Naruto with the mayor, with Robin Williams, with Gwen Stefani, with countless other celebrities…with _Sponge Bob Square Pants_? Wait, that looked like a Halloween picture since the blond was dressed as a ninja, and everyone else also seemed to be in costume. 

What was even stranger, however, was that in every other photo, the dobe was dressed in either a chef’s coat or a business suit. But that meant that—

“Uchiha? What are you doing here?” He turned at the cold tone.

And there he was. The handsome blond who’d somehow changed his life in a single day: Naruto. 

The other man was wearing an elegant, black, pin-striped suit, with a matching white dress shirt and dark red tie. He looked incredible. Suddenly, Sasuke felt underdressed and at a disadvantage, and he wondered humorlessly if this was karma.

“If you’re here for lunch, Bella could’ve seated you. You didn’t need me to—”

“Dobe, I’m not here to eat.” Underdressed and at a disadvantage did not mean inferior, and Sasuke couldn’t help the condescending note that entered his voice. 

When he saw the blue eyes turn stormy, however, he thought maybe he should’ve tried harder.

“Then why are you here, Teme?” Naruto asked harshly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Sasuke noticed the hostess was hanging onto their every word and that a small crowd of patrons and servers had started to collect in the background.

“Do you have an office where we can talk?” he asked, glaring at the eavesdroppers.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” the blond said stubbornly. “If you’re not here to eat, then you can—”

“Do you really want to create a scene? Again?”

The other man snorted, turning his chin up. “You’re too prissy to do anything in public. Go away, Teme.”

While it was true that his inherent Uchiha-ness prevented him from making a public spectacle of himself, he’d already taken countermeasures against that. He walked over to the front door and opened it. “Konohamaru, he’s being unreasonable. Come inside.”

A short teenager slouched in, eyes sparkly mischievously. He was wearing a tight, white tank-top and incredibly baggy jeans that showed off his red boxers and threatened to fall off any second. A backwards baseball cap perched on his head, and long gold chains completed the gansta outfit. He was carrying a large boombox.

Naruto stood uncaring as the youth set his equipment down. Like he would be embarrassed by something like _that_. Konohamaru turned on the music, and loud rap music blared in the formerly quiet entry. 

“YO, YO, YO MOTHERF—” 

The blond’s hand was suddenly covering the wanna-be gangster’s mouth, and Naruto hissed at the raven, “Okay, you win. My office is upstairs.” Seriously, what part of “this is a family establishment” had the other man not understood?

Sasuke smirked smugly and jerked his head towards the door, signaling Konohamaru to leave. The teenager flashed him a peace sign, picked up his boombox and left. It had been a good day for the boy. New clothes, a new sound system and fifty dollars in his pocket, all courtesy of one his father’s work friends. He couldn’t wait to tell the other kids in the chess club. 

“Come on,” the younger man said shortly, jerking his head towards the back of the restaurant. “This way.”

Sasuke followed the dobe to a staircase leading up, and he studiously ignored the way the suit’s material stretched tautly over the buttocks in front of him. Not looking, not looking…okay, one look…maybe two. No more than three.

By the time they’d actually reached the office, onyx eyes were firmly plastered on the blond’s posterior. Of course, he wrenched his gaze away before the other man noticed – Uchiha’s didn’t ogle asses – but the sight stayed with him, making him uncomfortably warm.

When Naruto turned around and glared at him questioningly, he remembered why he’d gone to the Rasengan in the first place. Oh yeah, he’d come to apolo- well, not that exactly, he never apologized, but explain the situation. That’s right. 

“Look,” he said, unaccountably nervous, “About what you overheard yesterday, that wasn’t – well, I didn’t mean for you to – that is to say…”

“What?” the blond interrupted rudely. “You didn’t want me to find out you were expecting your family to find me so obnoxious and irritating that they’d never want to see me again?”

Sasuke winced. Well, when he put it like _that…_

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I grew up an orphan, so I’m used to people treating me like trash. Now that you’ve salved your feelings by stopping by, you can leave. Mission accomplished.” Naruto walked around his desk, sat down and picked up some papers, the dismissal obvious.

Okay, the original plan hadn’t been the smartest idea ever – damn Neji and his stupid ideas anyway – and coming over, expecting to somehow sweep the blond off his feet, hadn’t worked either.

He sighed and walked forward, putting his hands on the desk and leaning over until he was face to face with the annoyed blond. “I like you,” he stated baldly. “I admit, this whole thing didn’t start off with the best of intentions, but I had a good time with you yesterday. I normally hate those types of gatherings, but…it wasn’t so bad this time. My family liked you, and they don’t like anyone. They even asked when you were coming back. I don’t care about you being an orphan, and I didn’t care about your job when I thought you were a waiter. Give us another chance.”

The ire in the cerulean eyes had dimmed a bit as he talked, but they suddenly surged again as Naruto said, “You told your brother you hated me!”

“I didn’t say that!” he snapped, leaning even closer. “I said I didn’t like you! And I didn’t at first, but I do now! Somehow you stopped being loud and annoying and became…well, still loud but…fun. And besides, you didn’t like me at first either!”

The blond pouted but didn’t back down. “Well, who could like an egotistical, holier-than-thou, pompous jackass?” 

Sasuke’s eyebrow twitched, but then he smirked. “Obviously, you can, because you think I’m…what was the word you used…ah yes, _cute_.” 

Naruto stuck his tongue out peevishly, and the raven finally did what he’d been wanting to do for quite some time. He kissed him.

For a second, the blond didn’t react, too surprised to do anything, but then…

The last coherent thought Sasuke had was, _Damn he’s a good kisser_.

The older man raised his hands and crushed them around the blond’s lapels, lifting him and dragging him across the desk. He ignored the muffled squeak and was distantly conscious of papers crashing to the ground. Then there was just sliding tongues, panting breaths and wandering hands. 

When the two finally came up for air minutes later due to the insistent pounding on the door, Naruto’s tie was askew, his jacket was hanging off his shoulders and his shirt was completely open, buttons missing. Sasuke wasn’t much better off, his hair in complete disarray, two giant hickies marred his neck and his shirt was halfway off, one arm and shoulder completely exposed. 

“What—“ Naruto cleared his throat. “What is it?” he yelled, futilely trying to button his shirt. The taller man bemusedly picked up one button from the desk and offered it to the blond before righting his own shirt. 

A clear feminine voice was heard. “Naruto! Ted’s called in sick, and we’re shorthanded again for the lunch crew! Can you wait tables today?”

“Fuck!” the younger man cursed, finally realizing his shirt was history. “That’s the third time Ted’s done this in the last few weeks. Fine, fine, I’ll do it, but get someone else to cover by three. I have an appointment downtown.”

“Great,” she said, the relief evident in her voice. “I’ll start calling around.”

“Remind me to fire Ted!” he yelled at her retreating footsteps. He ignored the raven as he went over to a closet and pulled out a black, cotton, button-down shirt and black pants. He took off the jacket and shirt he was wearing, grimacing at the ripped shirt, and donned the black button-down. His hands went to his belt, and he turned toward the avidly staring older man. “Do you mind?” he asked with a roll of his eyes.

Sasuke turned his back, grumbling under his breath at the missed view. It wasn’t his fault he’d been staring. The other man had started stripping, and it wasn’t like he was going to ignore a free show. He wasn’t a genius for nothing after all.

He turned back when he no longer heard any rustling clothing. Once again the dobe was dressed in the standard waiter’s uniform, name tag and all, but this time, the clothes actually fit him. Very well, as a matter of fact. 

If he’d looked like that two weeks ago, Sasuke might have asked him on a date for real. The older man recalled how obnoxiously the waiter had acted and thought, Maybe not. But he would’ve definitely enjoyed the view.

“So you fill in a lot?” he asked the blond who was hanging his other clothes.

“Sometimes,” Naruto replied absentmindedly. “We underestimated how well the Rasengan was going to do in this location, so we’re a little understaffed. And if someone doesn’t show up…the day we met was the first time I had to fill in, and I had to borrow clothes from someone else. We’re hiring now, but until everything’s settled, I keep some clothes handy, just in case.”

“In this location?” the raven asked dumbly.

“Yeah, this is the first one I’ve opened in this city, but it’s the fourth restaurant I own,” the other man answered, shutting the closet door and turning toward Sasuke. He smirked at the surprised expression. “I told you I didn’t need your money, Teme.” 

“Then why do you drive that horrible monstrosity?”

“What, my Ford?” Naruto laughed. “It was the first car I ever purchased with my own money, so it holds a lot of sentimental value for me.” He sniggered. “What, you don’t like it?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Why did you let me think you were a waiter?” he complained.

“How was I supposed to know you didn’t know who I was?” the blond asked, shutting his closet. “My picture is up all along the front wall, and I was even in the newspaper a few times. I thought you were trying to impress your parents, remember?” The other man flushed at the not-so-subtle jab. “I didn’t realize you didn’t know I was the owner until you kept insisting I was a waiter at your family reunion.”

“Hn.” 

“Anyway,” the blond said, ushering the taller man out the door and locking it, “I have work to do.” 

They started down the staircase. At the bottom, Naruto put his arm on the other man’s shoulder, stopping him from entering the main floor of the restaurant. In his hand was a card with his cell phone number. “Call me, and I’ll consider letting you make up yesterday to me.” 

The arm lifted, and Sasuke jumped as he felt a pinch on his ass. The dobe snickered. “I’ll consider today a down payment.” The raven turned his head to see Naruto leer, eyebrows waggling.

“Hn, Dobe,” Sasuke said, rolling his eyes. But he carefully slipped the card into his wallet. 

As he walked out of the restaurant, he heard, “Don’t forget, you owe me 700 dollars and a new shirt!” 

_Idiot_. But he had a small smile on his face when he thought it.

\-----------------

_One week later_

Sasuke stood in the gleaming kitchen of the Rasengan at 11:30pm on Wednesday night, watching the dobe as he moved around gracefully and efficiently. Naruto, although occupied with the business end of things, still liked to cook, and he took a couple of shifts in the kitchen every week. The blond had promised to make him a late dinner after the restaurant closed at 10pm, and it was strangely disconcerting to see the other man in his element.

This was the second time they’d seen each other since the he’d discovered the man he’d taken home to unimpress his family was actually more than qualified to meet his parents’ expectations for his boyfriend. Naruto was rich, successful, well-connected, funny and charming. Sasuke had taken him back to the mansion a few days ago for the last day of the reunion, and they had cleared the air about the whole “waiter” thing. 

His parents had already known the truth at that point. Apparently, Itachi had recognized the blond from a newspaper article the first time they’d met and already told them the other man’s real occupation. They’d assumed their younger son had originally been playing a joke on them. Not one they had found amusing, of course, but they were willing to overlook it. 

Naruto as a waiter had been acceptable due to his charm. Naruto as a successful and wealthy entrepreneur was welcomed with open arms into the family, and there was talk of the two of them moving in together and future family vacations. This talk was conducted all around them instead of with them, but what else can you expect from Uchihas?

So here they were, on their third official date, but the first one where they were actually alone. It was all Sasuke could do to say “screw the dinner, and let’s move on to the good stuff.” He didn’t, of course. He was an Uchiha. But he had a hard time repressing the leer that kept trying to sneak onto his face. The last time he’d been in the Rasengan, they’d had an extremely enjoyable time together, and who was to say that events couldn’t be repeated, and hopefully, continued? Not him.

“Here, Teme,” Naruto said, plunking a bowl of blanched Roma tomatoes in front of him. “Peel these, and squish ‘em.”

Sasuke looked down at the red fruits and arched an eyebrow. “You want me to do what?”

The blond rolled his eyes. “You take off the skins and then squish them until they’re a pulpy mass. You said you liked tomatoes, and I’m going to make you a fresh sauce that’s to die for.”

The older man continued to eye the bowl dubiously. The last time he’d cooked anything was when his parents had come for dinner to his penthouse last year, and he’d made a stir-fry – wait, never mind, that had been take out. Okay, then when he’d been twelve and made waffles for his mother for Mother’s Day – shit, that had been the cook. Okay then, maybe when he’d…hmmm…come to think of it, he’d never cooked anything in his life.

Naruto chuckled. “They’re just tomatoes, Teme. They’re not going to bite you. Like this,” he said, expertly skinning a tomato with his fingers. He waited for Sasuke to nod hesitantly before going back to chopping some onions on the counter beside him, the knife moving against the cutting board with deft speed.

The raven looked around for an apron or something to wear. He was wearing a 600 dollar black silk shirt, and the last thing he wanted was to get it stained just to humor the idiot. The blond noticed him looking around and sighed, shaking his head. 

“You are just too prissy for your own good. Here,” he said, grabbing an apron off a rack in the back, “You can wear this.”

“Why don’t I get to wear a coat like you’ve got on?” the taller man grumbled as he tied the apron strings behind his back.

Naruto snorted. “When you graduate from the CIA and get your degree in culinary arts, then you get to wear the coat and the hat,” he said. “Until then, you get to wear the apron.” He spoiled the tirade by snickering. “Besides, you look cute in an apron. Kinda like a housewife.”

Sasuke’s eyes narrowed, and he briefly looked around at all the shining knives on display. The blond squeaked. “Just kidding! You look manly! _Buff_ and manly. Yeah, yeah.”

Idiot.

The raven gingerly lowered his hands into the bowl and grabbed a tomato. He began to peel it, wrinkling his nose at the slimy feel. 

He had just finished his second one when he heard, “Are you some kind of pansy-ass?” His eyes snapped up in outrage.

Naruto, however, wasn’t paying attention. He stormed over quickly peeled the remaining four tomatoes in the time it had taken the older man to peel just one. After throwing a triumphant look at Sasuke, he then grabbed the other man’s hand and wrapped it around a peeled fruit. “And now you squish it!” he said, closing the raven’s hand firmly.

Splat!

Maybe a little too firmly. Sasuke looked down at his chest and the red stains that dotted his now-ruined shirt. The shirt that was not covered properly by the apron. He could feel a wet line of tomato juice slowly sliding down his neck. He raised glaring black eyes to astonished blue. 

“You did that on purpose!” he hissed accusingly, his hand clenching even harder around the red mass in his hand. Naruto watched, almost hypnotized, as another spurt of juice came flying out, flinching when it landed on the other man’s chin. 

“Now, now, Sasuke,” he stuttered, trying to control the laugh that was threatening to burble out of his throat. “That was an acc-accident. I didn’t mean—” _Do not laugh if you value your life_ , he thought to himself. _Do not laugh, do not laugh, oh shit…_

Even as he started giggling helplessly, he was turning, intent on running from the murder in the other man’s eyes. _Help!_ he thought semi-hysterically when a vice-like grip encircled his wrist. Naruto was pulled violently against the other man, and he grunted as their bodies collided, all the laughter disappearing.

“I’m sorry?” he said meekly, looking up into burning black eyes.

“You will be,” the raven promised, raising his other hand filled with pulpy tomato, the threat clear.

And Naruto did the only thing he could think of to avoid a face full of tomato. He’d been planning to do this later in the night, but now seemed like a better time all of the sudden. He leaned over the licked the juice from the taller man’s neck with one slow, sinuous glide of his tongue, stopping only when he reached the other man’s ear.

“Mmmmm,” he hummed appreciatively. “Tasty…” 

“Dobe,” Sasuke murmured huskily, his arm starting to drop.

Naruto untied the apron and pulled it over the taller man’s neck. Then, with a mischievous grin, he pulled the ends of the shirt apart, buttons flying all over the place and making the other man scowl. “Now _that_ ,” he said, his eyes twinkling, “I did on purpose.”

Any reply the raven would’ve made was stopped when the blond head dipped to lick up juice he’d overlooked earlier. 

“I think,” Sasuke heard, his eyelids starting to slide closed, “I should keep checking to find any other spots I might’ve missed.” He groaned when he felt that skillful tongue gliding over a dusky nipple before going lower. He dropped the remains of the tomato on the floor. Revenge could wait until later.

He felt nimble fingers working at this belt as the other man knelt on the ground. _Much_ later.

Sasuke gasped when he felt Naruto's hot breath a second before the blond did another slow, leisurely lick, this time up the length of his cock. He opened his eyes and looked down, moaning when he saw intense blue eyes staring back at him. He had just a second to imprint the image in his brain before the delicious tongue came out again to swipe at the tip of his arousal. He dazedly had a moment to think the younger man was treating his dick like a lollipop before all thought went out the window.

His head and back arched as Naruto went down on him to the hilt, encasing him in wet heat. Fuck! The other man was doing something incredible with his tongue, massaging his length, even as he was starting to slowly bob his head. 

"Ngh, Naruto!" he gasped, shuddering when pain added a razor-sharp edge to the pleasure as he felt the light press of sharp teeth. One hand clenched the kneeling man's shoulders for balance as he fought to stay upright. The other hand was still fisted in the air as he tried to keep the rest of the tomato’s remains away from the both of them. He felt like an idiot with his hand hanging in the air randomly, but what the hell. Sometimes sacrifices had to be made in order to get good head.

And the blond definitely gave good head. Good? Ha! That was too weak a word. _Naruto probably gives the best head in the entire world!_ he thought hazily. Suddenly, the pace and pressure increased, causing him to jerk and moan. Oh gods, Naruto had more suction than a vacuum cleaner!

He felt his orgasm starting to build, and he groaned as he regretfully withdrew from that sinful mouth, not wanting everything to end too quickly. He grabbed a fistful of sun-kissed hair with his clean hand, pulling it back firmly. Oh damn, the kneeling man looked too good with his swollen red lips and lust-hazed eyes, and it was all he could do to not come right then and there.

Sasuke dropped to his own knees and kissed the shorter man, vaguely tasting traces of his own salty essence. He could feel Naruto’s erection pressing insistently against his thigh, and it made him clumsy, his fingers plucking ineffectually against the chef coat’s buttons.

Fuck it. The raven used both hands to tear the coat open. The blond gasped as his body was jerked by the force, his arousal grinding into the taller man’s thigh. Both of them moaned at the contact.

Sasuke pushed the other man’s shirt up, enthralled by the way the tomato pulp in his hand left a slight red streak against tan flesh. He leaned over, laving a wet trail up the tomato juice path as Naruto shivered, and he decided that his favorite food’s taste was immensely improved by the blond’s salty skin.

He made another pass with his hand, but the juice was mostly dried up by now, and he pouted. He heard a chuckle, and he looked into amused blue eyes.

“Didn’t you get enough finger-painting time when you were a kid, Teme?” Naruto teased breathlessly.

“Hn,” Sasuke ignored the jibe. How could the other man have any thought processes left? He would obviously have to rectify that problem.

He quickly shed the younger man of his shoes and jeans and flipped him onto his stomach, smirking at the sudden squeak. He also shoved at his own pants, but it was too much effort to take them all the way off, so he let them hang around his knees.

Sasuke pulled Naruto’s hips up into the air so he was on his knees and elbows. He took a minute to enjoy the view, his mouth drying in anticipation of being embedded in that beautiful ass.

“Teme!” his dobe complained. “Stop gawking, and get on with it!”

 _Gawk?_ he thought, offended. Uchihas didn’t gawk. They gazed, perused, surveyed, glared, but they didn’t gawk like rubberneckers at the scene of an accident. It was just that the other man’s bare ass was worth appreciating, and he was a connoisseur of beautiful things. Sasuke nodded to himself, satisfied with his interpretation of events. Now, back to business. 

Lube, lube, lube, lube… _where the hell was the lube?_ The raven had a moment of intense panic as he searched his pockets. He could’ve sworn he’d put a small tube of lube in his pants before coming to the Rasengan. What? A man can hope, can’t he?

“Damn it,” Naruto hissed, impatient with his fumbling, “Use the olive oil on the counter!”

He thanked the gods he was dating a chef. His hands trembled slightly in his eagerness as he poured some oil onto his palm. He made sure his fingers were coated thoroughly, and then he put the bottle back on the counter. At least, he tried to, but by the _thunk_ and accompanying gurgle he heard, it appeared he’d tipped in over in his haste. Oh well.

Finally, finally, he pressed one finger against the ring of muscle he so desperately wanted something else to be pressed against, and it slid in with minimal effort. He rotated his finger, trying to ensure he slicked the other man’s insides thoroughly.

Naruto’s breath hitched, and Sasuke found himself craving to hear more sexy sounds. He worked his finger for a few seconds before impatiently inserting another.

The blond arched under his touch, the younger man’s breath coming shakily. The raven watched lustfully as his two fingers moved in the other man, stretching him and preparing him for more to come. Naruto was whimpering, his hips pushing back against Sasuke’s fingers while his fists turned almost white with tension. The older man panted, incredibly turned on by the sounds as he touched himself with his other hand, oiling his cock quickly.

“Sasuke!” Naruto mewled, his whole body shuddering when the older man inserted one more finger. 

Okay, enough preparation! Sasuke’s hand gripped the blond’s hip as he positioned himself against the other man’s entrance. Holding his breath in anticipation, he pushed forward.

Two unsteady moans echoed in the empty kitchen as the raven pressed all the way in until his balls were touching the other man’s buttocks. Sasuke dropped his head, breathing heavily as he tried to give Naruto time to adjust. He knew he was going to die if the blond didn’t tell him to move soon, and his hands clenched and unclenched on tan hips as he shivered. So damn tight and hot…he unconsciously flexed his hips forwards, trying to get even a little deeper.

Naruto’s head flew back, his eyes snapping open. “Right-right there!” he gasped.

Fuck. Sasuke’s control snapped at the intoxicating blend of sensation and sound, and he began to pound into the younger man, urged on by the moans and pleas of the blond. 

“Sasuke…please…ngh…unh, unh…Sasuke…more…Sasuke!” 

The raven was dimly conscious of the jingling noise his belt was making as he drove into the other man mercilessly, as well as the pain in his knees from kneeling on the cold linoleum floor. Those sensory inputs, however, paled in comparison to the feel of silky skin clasped bruisingly by his fingers and burning heat surrounding his erection.

Naruto was pushing back as much as his position would allow, desperately trying to meet Sasuke’s every thrust. Their movements made the blond’s shirt fall forward up his back, and the raven got to see his fantasy come to life as the demon fox tattoo was revealed. Red eyes glinted at him as muscles flexed and twisted. Snarling lips were pulled back, showing elongated teeth, and he felt like the demon was challenging him.

It drove him to thrust even harder, his hips pistoning relentlessly in to the smaller man who was grunting with each of his strokes as he tried to bury himself deeper. He pushed Naruto’s head down until it was resting on his clenched hands. It forced his ass up even higher, and Sasuke took advantage of the altered position. He leant forward so his own hands rested on the ground and drove into the other man ruthlessly, all his body weight behind each thrust, angling his hips so he hit the blond’s prostate dead on every time. Naruto was almost sobbing by then, his cries getting louder and louder until he was practically screaming.

“Sas-Sasuke!”

The blond’s cry came right before the older man felt the body underneath him convulsing, the ring of muscle around his cock clenching harshly. He bit down onto a taut shoulder to muffle his own shout as he began to come violently.

His vision seemed to blacken as he shuddered, wave after wave of pleasure coursing through him. He thrust a few more times jerkily as he poured himself into that tight heat, nearly dizzy from the power of his orgasm.

By the time he came down, Sasuke was lying fully on top of the younger man, both of them still breathing erratically. Naruto’s body was still shivering, trembling with the aftershocks, and the raven let himself smirk smugly. 

He pulled himself out with a wince and sat back, stumbling slightly due to his pants. He flushed and looked over quickly, but the other man was still too out of it to notice. Hn, good. He quickly pulled up his pants and sat back down, relaxing against a cabinet while his breath calmed down.

Finally, Naruto rolled over so he was lying on his back wearing a silly half-smile. “Damn,” he sighed happily. 

Inwardly, Sasuke agreed, but outwardly, he didn’t say anything. An Uchiha had to keep up appearances after all.

The blond finally sat up, recoiling slightly as all his weight rested on his sore behind. He pulled down his T-shirt, covering his naked chest to the raven’s disappointment, and then pulled off his chef coat. 

“Damn it, Teme,” Naruto sighed, glancing mournfully at the missing buttons on his coat. “What is with you and buttons?”

Sasuke snorted. What could he say? He was a man on a mission, and the buttons got in the way.

The younger man looked around the kitchen, brow furrowing in annoyance. He took in the tomato stains on the floor and cabinets, the spilt oil, the buttons haphazardly scattered around and the evidence of his own orgasm on the linoleum.

“Next time,” Naruto muttered, “we’re doing this at your place.”

Sasuke considered his office on the 48th floor of a skyscraper with windows basically covering two walls. While he hadn’t ever considered himself an exhibitionist, he briefly thought about taking the blond over his desk in full view of the outside. His cock twitched in renewed excitement. He didn’t doubt for a second that the other man would be anything less than eager. Yes, he sighed content, Naruto was the perfect boyfriend.

“Now you owe me 700 dollars, a new shirt _and_ a new coat.”

Idiot.

**Author's Note:**

> OMG, why don't the italics carry over in the Rich Text window?????? I had to tag everything. Ugh, I may not be able to post anything else if I have to retag everything. *headdesk*


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